As a self-identifying plural creative, multi-passionate, air sign and what-have-you, I often find myself wondering, just exactly how many things should I be doing at one time?
I have yet to figure out exactly how to solve this but I’m gonna write myself towards some kind of answer.
It’s a constant question, since I always have about five different modes I’m switching between. This week I’ve been learning how to work in Unity, do some new things with website design, and those have been the modes setting the pace for everything else when I’m not in parent-mode, or keep-my-laundry-off-the-floor mode.
There’s always a mode that I’m conscious of that’s NOT happening much. Lately, it’s been my personal studio-mode. As well as my reading-mode. And also my writing-mode. This is tricky, because those are modes that are core; that are where I tend to find my deeper identities.
And yet, I feel ON FIRE lately. In a good way (not a perimenopause way, although that’s with me too). And it’s because I’ve been transitioning into a brand new mode; one I’ve been dreaming of for some time. I find myself working with an incredible team of creative souls, building a video game and pinching myself every day that it’s my job.
As maybe you know, my fellow multi-passionates; we tend to have several dreams floating out there. So many possible forks and directions we could see happening. It is a good, but very confusing thing. And when one of those paths becomes reality; it can leave us looking at the others and feeling as if we’re ignoring them.
But contrary to how we usually think of “forks in the road”, my life is not a map that actually works in that way. Or if it does, it doubles back on itself, like a spiral where the roads merge with others, crash into old ones, and occasionally run deep into the forest and we have to back-track after the initial thrill of being lost.
My point being, by choosing one thing to take priority, it doesn’t mean the others go away. More likely, they’re rejoicing that they get to come along for the ride, although they may watch quietly from the backseat until they’re ready to speak up.
In my artistic process, as I’m sure I’ve mentioned; I work in a cyclical manner. Phases that sometimes even follow the seasons of the year. And every couple of years, I find myself stretching myself in a significant way and I enter into one of the most disorienting but rewarding phases—let’s call it deep learning, or skill-building phase.
I’m very much in that space right now. Learning something brand new, something hard, something big, and something that is going to take a while to feel intuitive. For someone who works intuitively, this can be a big challenge. But the micro-frustrations of making mistakes within that process are far out-weighed by a gut feeling that what I’m learning is going to push me into a creative state somewhere down the line that I can’t see yet. And the satisfaction of being able to apply that knowledge within a team of people who need it and celebrate it is a wonderful immediate pay-off.
And so, I visit my own studio in small increments of time. I take a couple of juicy walks a week and listen to my moody music and fall in love with trees. I find ways to connect with the reflective and often melancholic self where my own stories live. But they are little check-ins rather than mode-shifts. Because I can feel that I am content with where I am, even though it’s different from how I imagined it.
Does this make sense? I’ve meandered as usual. But at least I feel like I’ve answered the question for myself, and hopefully at least one of you needed to hear this. Know that your map is never going to make sense when you’re inside of it trying to look ahead. All your dreams are there, along for the ride.
Wow, you are spot on for so many of us! For those of us really in the back seat watching the journey of your exploring life, what a joy ride!